These steps on Glen Oak Avenue and Spring Street, Peoria, IL are a very hallowed spot for me. This is where I suddenly experienced a massive lightning strike of spiritual illumination that shook me to the core. I vomited as it suddenly dawned on me that I had gradually gone so far astray that I had hit rock bottom and had no way to escape.
I wept uncontrollably for an entire week, almost without pause. I had to fend off constant thoughts of suicide, as if the devil was shouting at me "The world wants to get rid of you. You're done. You're no good. You've wasted your life. You'll never amount to anything. You had your chance at a normal and successful life, but you blew it. Put an end to your miserable worthless life. Now."
I was ripped to shreds from a harsh, relentless, but beneficial introspection. I was immediately face to face with all my errors and selfishness. I stared at the naked reality of my rotten decay from an avid Bible student to a godless hedonist. My wick was smoldering and had finally been snuffed out. From above came a tiny spark that exploded in my heart and started to flame up into a new zeal for spiritual goodness and truth.
I made the decision to return to the faith of my youth, when I was a dedicated and bold Christian evangelist and Bible teacher. I read the Bible from cover to cover.
I frantically scratched my way mentally out of the dark deep pit into which my life had sunk. A miracle occurred and my mind began to slowly but surely heal and re-orient itself to Christ. I devoured a ton of Christian books, but the primary text that pulled me back together was Way of the Ascetics by Tito Colliander, a collection of Eastern Orthodox teachings by the desert monks in the early church.
I call it my Second Spiritual Awakening, when God had mercy on me and gave me another chance to get back in fellowship with Him after a long period of backsliding, worldliness, and extreme disasters.
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